drinking out of a sandbucket again
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
