I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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