so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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