I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
