I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
