Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
