Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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