she woke up with a sticky ear
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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