We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
40s are totally the cure
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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