She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
