Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
