were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
