You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
