lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
