You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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