If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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