I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I think my vagina is haunted
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
