Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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