it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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