Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
