forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
