If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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