is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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