So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
