theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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