Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
