$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
