I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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