I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
