how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
