I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
there is glitter all over my balls
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
