How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
