I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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