Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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