I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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