There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize