How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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