I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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