the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
