Pants 0. Shit 1.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
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Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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