Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
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You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize