party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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