When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
