the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
