Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
