i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My cat gives me a boner
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
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