Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
