Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
this will be a night to untag.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
