It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
