why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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