Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Randomize
