11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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