I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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