Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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