We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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