Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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