And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
