I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
