Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
