redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
