they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
