This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize