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My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
