I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
