If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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