He asked to "fluff my boner.."
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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