Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
