the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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