I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
